A strange’ish but not experience this morning. I felt a bit ordinary… so I had the delightful idea to take myself out, out of the house, for an artist date.. to my favourite tea cafe.
Off I go.. with a little bit of makeup on.. and a whole lot of expectation that THIS will make me feel better, even though – having just read SARK’s book ‘Glad No Matter What’… i don’t need to always look to FEEL BETTER.. I’m completely ok.. she even suggested as much.. to just, …. feel.
I have a little fantasy.. that i could write books with simple character drawings… one day. It’s one of those… not really real dreams.. it just sits in a little spot in my mind and pops into my awareness every so often.
I think perhaps moreso of late because i gave myself PERMISSION to draw badly, loosely and however it comes out. This is my way of managing the ‘i can’t draw’ story that wants to play out.. and i feel, it’s played out for long enough, so long in fact it is now BORING.
So.. off I went with a little sketch book.. in my bag to the cafe.
While waiting for my tea and CAKE.. omg. wait til you see the pic.
I made a little drawing of mysef.
here have another look. the PRESENTATION at The Silva Spoon (Cotton Tree) is TO LIVE FOR.
Ms Virgo will EVEN forgive them for the chipped plate, because KLIMPT and CREAM and cake and A ROSE! It was a slice of heaven actually.
Then.. the kindof weird-for-an-introvert stuff started to happen… I could see more people arriving in this magic-omg-our-favourite cafe… and the looks on their faces.. of ”oh”.. nooo … all the tables are filled… WHERE WILL I SIT… .. all it took to bring me here, with these friends, this Mum.. this daughter.. and THE CAFE IS TOO FULL… and I could feel the tension (at least that’s what I made up… and the small panic arising.. and I started to feel a tiny bit uncomfortable.. and had to comfort the one in me that wanted to give up my table.. because.. I don’t know… other people seemed like they neeeeeded it) …
so.. I made a couple more drawings.. because.. this was an artist’s date after all.. and so I decided to give it all I had.. awkward feelings included.
This feeling free to draw however it comes out. It’s really fun for me.
I notice how reading SARK books has this magical effect on me… her FREE, COLORFUL, UNCONVENTIONAL way of being suit’s me very much.
So… oh.. that’s right.. I even too a whole bunch of selfies.. so I could have a pic of me in my side ponytail.. and the tea cafe I love.. on this day.. when I let myself have freedom to draw in my little not to be taken too seriously at all, journal.
WHERE THERE IS TEA THERE IS LOVE. sign that kept falling down with a clatter to my table and probably drawing UNWANTED attention to my activiteas.. but at which point, I simply did not care and had the lovliest little time.
To finish… I stayed only as long as it took to eat my cake and drink my tea.. then scurried out the door to give some of the other ‘slightly mildly desperate for their own little slice of heaven tea cafe experience’ my table.
I reeeallllllyyy love those cafe’s that have plenty of time and space and you can meander there and take a loooooong time… but.. they don’t seem to offer the exquisiteness of tea with a fresh rose, lashings of cream and gorgeous tea cups. So.. you just have to choose the experience you want to have. Wherever you are really.
* * *
I left the cafe,
felt quite ill
and had to go home to bed.
How’s that for a blimmin weird ending to this story.
* * *
later that day however,
I’m writing about it.
there is that.
love Denise. x
Instead of pressuring yourself to FEEL BETTER
it may be far more beneficial and kinder to just FEEL.
(very inspired by SARK)