Two months is what I feel I was gifted this year to simply ‘be’. From 24th April – 24th June I minded a friends home and her sweet cat. I told extended family members I would be out of range for two months to have a kind of self imposed retreat and take time to seriously consider what is not working in my life and what really needs to be set down. I also chose to ditch facebook for the most part only checking it rarely, THAT was the most wonderful rest giver, my nervous system seemed to vibrate with pure relief.
Some of my most signifant of these ‘things’ weighing me down is the stories of a childhood that had me marinating in beliefs, stories and ways of being that well and truly have past their use by date for me now in my late forties, yet I or my sub-conscious was still clinging to them like a damp spider web, you can’t quite brush it off when it gets all over you no matter how hard you try. Guilt and fear drive a life of suffering.
So, I took some art supplies and a very large license to do as I please and release some of the judgements, pain and suffering I’d been fostering and gathering, and ‘running me’ for way too long.
The location was extremely supportive of this resolve, it was quiet and very near to the sea, with a tidal movement that you had to check on if you wanted to walk on the sand it was only possible when the tide was out.
It’s a bit of a long and personal story the goings on inside my head, but I did want to share how it actually took months of considering all the possibilites and responsibilities in my life to finally come to a place of acknowledging the strong YES my body gave me at the first mention of the invitation “would you like to mind my house while I go away”.
I don’t know that I could have allowed myself to do this (separate myself from life as I know it) a few years ago, I used to be driven quite mad by very loud and strong inner critics. Since committing to build self compassion into my cells and being, my life experience has been changing ‘miraculously’.
All the ‘shoulds and do the right things’ and ‘how can you be so selfish?’ and ‘what will they think’ had much less power, they were just noise and not for my highest good, I knew that. . . . I wanted to step out of the rule book and do this in whatever way showed up as feeling right at the time.
As the days stretched into weeks I was AMAZED at the many joyful moments that overtook me, the warmth of the sun on my face as I walked along the shore, or saw the sun setting any night at all. I also noticed the deep rest in my body, as a highly sensitive empath I had been stretching myself to the limit taking on or feeling other people’s stuff and energy, with or without them knowing, it’s always felt like an automatic thing. I am learning more about changing that.
So, ‘selfishly’ taking two months to not be around people on the whole was profound!
I am extremely grateful for the experience and seek to bring the deep inner peace home with me. Reminding myself often that I get to choose how I respond to the happenings around me. I am capable of holding more joy, let me be open to that always.
As this page in my artjournal says, “set this tea-loving sensitive soul free” and I believe I did.
Another magical thing . . .
that happened was the seemingly random yet perfectly timed visit from a rather beautiful chicken. I was actually have a bit of anxiety at driving a car that wasn’t mine from a tricky spot and chose to sit in the drivers seat, in the garage and breath into the uncomfortable feeling, and even said to myself, “I’m not driving out of here until I feel ready”. Next moment, I’m not kidding… I heard the unmistakable sound of a chicken ‘briiiiirk, briiiiiiirk, briiiiirking her way right into the entry way of the garage where I was sitting, peering at me with a questioning look in her eye.
The cute and very synchronistically magical part of this was that I had very recently sent a “Little dd” image to a fabulous author, Marilyn Jenett, featuring one of her quotes from her very helpful book Feel Free to Prosper . In my image I had chosen to have Little dd speaking to a chicken… I happen to find much delight in the innocence, quirkiness and simply beingness of chickens.
I fed Ms Chicken sunflower seeds and water for a couple of days until her minders spotted her and returned her safely to where she had come from.
bye for now,
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