Art, blogging, conscious creation, creation, creativity, critic, drawing, feelings, freedom, ideas, inner critic, inspiration, judging, life, Mentor, permission, SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, thoughts
This post is in response to a comment I just caught myself making about my drawings of Little dd:
hey… thanks too for validating little dd with me… i sometimes feel the ‘scorn’ of the ‘fine art’ whip… and think it’s not ‘real art’ but it’s deeper than that. eeeeven when it may not look so for the ‘fine art folk’ Denise xoxo
I want and need to call bullshit on this right now, today, this minute.
Here’s the thing, I realise now, with some hindsight, that my Little dd drawings are a gift from my deepest wounding.
I am among MANY other things, an ACOA “Adult Child of an Alcoholic”. I love and appreciate the goodness my father has given to me, and wish him very well all ways. May he be blessed.
And, when you grow up in a highly volatile situation in your home many things can and are misinterpreted. These thought patterns and neural pathways become the routes we walk as teens and adults and cloud our understanding of what is real and what is imagined.
When I began to make these drawings I was given the clear message, that for all intents and purposes I was to DRAW LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING. They give me an outlet that bypasses the critic because the drawings are made so quickly as the inspiration comes for their creation. This matters to me, they are healing a part in me that is within my reach.
So, when I find myself judging those drawings it’s time to STOP and take hold of those unrelenting, hurtful, painful, thoughts and put them where they belong, OUT in the open, and out of my way.
Here are my big ideas that keep me small.
I didn’t go to art school, I don’t have a degree : how dare I call myself an artist. Even more, how dare I create classes and teach others.
I’m not a trained psychologist : how dare I speak about things that relate so much to ones feelings, beliefs and trauma without the degree/piece of paper to give me the permission to.
Art is only ‘good’ if someone wants to buy it : if I’m not making lots of art and selling it I’m pretending and a fake and art is just a hobby for me. Wake up, stop fooling myself and get a job.
So, those are clearly the voice of my inner critic. Thanks for the contribution critic, you never cease to bring me pain with your projections.
But! I see you critic, and, today we’re talking about this without shame. Part of me may feel some shame, but that part is soooo much smaller than she used to be. Thanks to YEARS of marinating myself in new beliefs, new ways of seeing, sensing, feeling, loving my human self, I am stronger and healed enough, to speak about this toxic stuff.
This brings me to one of my Mentors in life – I’ve spoken about her countless times before, but thanks to her book Succulent Wild Woman, which I have on my iPod, I get snippets of her voice in my ears when taking beach walks sometimes.
I have given myself permission to be free to create as I see fit and speak about the painful and the joyful parts thanks in large amounts to the brave and courageous example of Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy.
See below the image I posted just today on her fb page as she lovingly and generously shared about her life experience since her partner John died 18 months ago. I am so deeply grateful for the ‘permission giving’ that I have taken on by the example Sark has given in her life.
I wonder how many others of us are out here/there ‘struggling along’ with the critical voices in our heads beating up on us in ways that never bring us joy and keep us playing a rather small life/game?
Consider, they (critical voices) may be telling you lies!
I’m going to KEEP DRAWING LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING, and letting the voice of Little dd continue to be seen and heard. I’m not shutting her away for not being good enough, that sounds like an old unhelpful belief, we don’t take guidance from those on a good day.
And this is a good day. I choose to make it so. (hahaha.. that sounds so ‘Star Trek’ and Vulcan…. waving to my husband who loves that world.)
love Denise, and Little dd. xo
you might enjoy :
Free gifts from Denise : join her mailing list for ‘Creativitea Time for You’
Conscious Creation with Dee Wallace : A podcast I get great inspiration and support from by simply tuning in each week.