Little dd speaks out

04 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, critic, denise daffara art, Little dd

Tags

Art, blogging, conscious creation, creation, creativity, critic, drawing, feelings, freedom, ideas, inner critic, inspiration, judging, life, Mentor, permission, SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, thoughts

Little dd is mad

Hi friends,

This post is in response to a comment I just caught myself making about my drawings of Little dd:

hey… thanks too for validating little dd with me… i sometimes feel the ‘scorn’ of the ‘fine art’ whip… and think it’s not ‘real art’ but it’s deeper than that. eeeeven when it may not look so for the ‘fine art folk’ Denise xoxo

I want and need to call bullshit on this right now, today, this minute.

Here’s the thing, I realise now, with some hindsight, that my Little dd drawings are a gift from my deepest wounding.

I am among MANY other things, an ACOA “Adult Child of an Alcoholic”. I love and appreciate the goodness my father has given to me, and wish him very well all ways. May he be blessed.

And, when you grow up in a highly volatile situation in your home many things can and are misinterpreted. These thought patterns and neural pathways become the routes we walk as teens and adults and cloud our understanding of what is real and what is imagined.

When I began to make these drawings I was given the clear message, that for all intents and purposes I was to DRAW LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING. They give me an outlet that bypasses the critic because the drawings are made so quickly as the inspiration comes for their creation. This matters to me, they are healing a part in me that is within my reach.

So, when I find myself judging those drawings it’s time to STOP and take hold of those unrelenting, hurtful, painful, thoughts and put them where they belong, OUT in the open, and out of my way.

Here are my big ideas that keep me small.

I didn’t go to art school, I don’t have a degree : how dare I call myself an artist. Even more, how dare I create classes and teach others.

I’m not a trained psychologist : how dare I speak about things that relate so much to ones feelings, beliefs and trauma without the degree/piece of paper to give me the permission to.

Art is only ‘good’ if someone wants to buy it : if I’m not making lots of art and selling it I’m pretending and a fake and art is just a hobby for me. Wake up, stop fooling myself and get a job.

Ok.

So, those are clearly the voice of my inner critic. Thanks for the contribution critic, you never cease to bring me pain with your projections.

But! I see you critic, and, today we’re talking about this without shame. Part of me may feel some shame, but that part is soooo much smaller than she used to be. Thanks to YEARS of marinating myself in new beliefs, new ways of seeing, sensing, feeling, loving my human self, I am stronger and healed enough, to speak about this toxic stuff.

Little dd writing signed

This brings me to one of my Mentors in life – I’ve spoken about her countless times before, but thanks to her book Succulent Wild Woman, which I have on my iPod, I get snippets of her voice in my ears when taking beach walks sometimes.

I have given myself permission to be free to create as I see fit and speak about the painful and the joyful parts thanks in large amounts to the brave and courageous example of Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy.

See below the image I posted just today on her fb page as she lovingly and generously shared about her life experience since her partner John died 18 months ago. I am so deeply grateful for the ‘permission giving’ that I have taken on by the example Sark has given in her life.

calling Sark

So,

I wonder how many others of us are out here/there ‘struggling along’ with the critical voices in our heads beating up on us in ways that never bring us joy and keep us playing a rather small life/game?

Consider, they (critical voices) may be telling you lies!

I’m going to KEEP DRAWING LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING, and letting the voice of Little dd continue to be seen and heard. I’m not shutting her away for not being good enough, that sounds like an old unhelpful belief, we don’t take guidance from those on a good day.

And this is a good day. I choose to make it so. (hahaha.. that sounds so ‘Star Trek’ and Vulcan…. waving to my husband who loves that world.)

love Denise, and Little dd. xo

sark Delight yourself

Two Months to ‘ Be’.

01 Saturday Jul 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, denise daffara art, retreat, Uncategorized

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artjournal, chicken, creativity, feelings, free, housesitting, inspiration, life, peace, prosperity, quiet, retreat, seaside, sharing, space, thoughts, women, writing

Two months is what I feel I was gifted this year to simply ‘be’. From 24th April – 24th June I minded a friends home and her sweet cat. I told extended family members I would be out of range for two months to have a kind of self imposed retreat and take time to seriously consider what is not working in my life and what really needs to be set down. I also chose to ditch facebook for the most part only checking it rarely, THAT was the most wonderful rest giver, my nervous system seemed to vibrate with pure relief.

Some of my most signifant of these ‘things’ weighing me down is the stories of a childhood that had me marinating in beliefs, stories and ways of being that well and truly have past their use by date for me now in my late forties, yet I or my sub-conscious was still clinging to them like a damp spider web, you can’t quite brush it off when it gets all over you no matter how hard you try. Guilt and fear drive a life of suffering.

So, I took some art supplies and a very large license to do as I please and release some of the judgements, pain and suffering I’d been fostering and gathering, and ‘running me’ for way too long.

The location was extremely supportive of this resolve, it was quiet and very near to the sea, with a tidal movement that you had to check on if you wanted to walk on the sand it was only possible when the tide was out.

It’s a bit of a long and personal story the goings on inside my head, but I did want to share how it actually took months of considering all the possibilites and responsibilities in my life to finally come to a place of acknowledging the strong YES my body gave me at the first mention of the invitation “would you like to mind my house while I go away”.

I don’t know that I could have allowed myself to do this (separate myself from life as I know it) a few years ago, I used to be driven quite mad by very loud and strong inner critics. Since committing to build self compassion into my cells and being, my life experience has been changing ‘miraculously’.

All the ‘shoulds and do the right things’ and ‘how can you be so selfish?’ and ‘what will they think’ had much less power, they were just noise and not for my highest good, I knew that. . . . I wanted to step out of the rule book and do this in whatever way showed up as feeling right at the time.

As the days stretched into weeks I was AMAZED at the many joyful moments that overtook me, the warmth of the sun on my face as I walked along the shore, or saw the sun setting any night at all. I also noticed the deep rest in my body, as a highly sensitive empath I had been stretching myself to the limit taking on or feeling other people’s stuff and energy, with or without them knowing, it’s always felt like an automatic thing. I am learning more about changing that.

So, ‘selfishly’ taking two months to not be around people on the whole was profound!

art journal page DDaffara

I am extremely grateful for the experience and seek to bring the deep inner peace home with me. Reminding myself often that I get to choose how I respond to the happenings around me. I am capable of holding more joy, let me be open to that always.

As this page in my artjournal says, “set this tea-loving sensitive soul free” and I believe I did.

Another magical thing . . .

that happened was the seemingly random yet perfectly timed visit from a rather beautiful chicken. I was actually have a bit of anxiety at driving a car that wasn’t mine from a tricky spot and chose to sit in the drivers seat, in the garage and breath into the uncomfortable feeling, and even said to myself, “I’m not driving out of here until I feel ready”. Next moment, I’m not kidding… I heard the unmistakable sound of a chicken ‘briiiiirk, briiiiiiirk, briiiiirking her way right into the entry way of the garage where I was sitting, peering at me with a questioning look in her eye.

FullSizeRender 5

The cute and very synchronistically magical part of this was that I had very recently sent a “Little dd” image to a fabulous author, Marilyn Jenett, featuring one of her quotes from her very helpful book Feel Free to Prosper . In my image I had chosen to have Little dd speaking to a chicken… I happen to find much delight in the innocence, quirkiness and simply beingness of chickens.

MiraclesNewNormal2

I fed Ms Chicken sunflower seeds and water for a couple of days until her minders spotted her and returned her safely to where she had come from.

bye for now,

Denise x

Free online Creative Retreat … meet 16 teachers and create your heart out over two days.

Alchemy of Emotions

26 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, denise daffara art, Tea Cups

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alchemy, Art, cafe, cat, creativity, emotions, exhibition, faith, feelings, inspiration, life, sharing, tea, thoughts

Sometimes I ‘baulk’ at the idea of naming a collection of paintings or coming up with a theme for an exhibition… so as a bit of a continuing the conversation on from last years paintings with Jassy and BJ “Dreaming into Being” … this bunch on display at The NAC I am calling. “Alchemy of Emotions” … I reckon I could paint with that name for the rest of my days to be honest. I also find it hard to come up with dazzling names for the paintings and often opt for the obvious and literal . . . it’s not as important to me as the FEELS.

It’s a bit over a year since the last longish painting session I had… around the time of my Mother’s crossing over… so these ones have a lot of ‘windows’ in them, I’m in a seeking and listening mode in my life, nearing the end of my forties, and approaching empty nest years . . . I relished the sense of freedom and ANYTHING GOES that I gave myself in these works, I imagined I wanted to paint quite calm, mostly white canvases.. with smaller pieces of colour and distinct marks… but no.. that wasn’t to be this time around. I instead felt drawn to making drips and marks, some recognisable shapes and plenty of flora and fauna like growth. Many seeds are being planted this year, internally and externally. I imagine an orchard growing up over the coming years.. not simply a single lone plant.

Apparently all of our emotions stem from just these four; fear, anger, sadness, and joy. In my artwork of recent years I seek to hold space for myself to allow all of these emotions to run through me, not judging how they show up. Often the result of allowing all of the hard to feel feels… is joy. May these artworks reach in and mend a part of you that is within your reach.

1. I see you Magpie, 2. Charlie’s Garden, 3. Little Black Cat, 4. Teatime Ms Moor Hen 45 x 45cm mixed media on canvas

Our lifelong adventure urges us to dance within the shadows and the light. Whilst witnessing the unrest, fear and terror within our world, it is still vital to release the fight or flight automatic reactions we have and to find ways to calm the fear, channel the anger, allow the sadness and practice joy.

It is an honour to be invited to display my work at Noosa Arts Cafe, I commend the generosity of spirit of Mark & Paula and their team creating a fantastic space where locals and visitors can gather and connect, be nourished and uplifted, surrounded by art and natural beauty. The NAC : 205 Weyba Road, Noosaville, Qld 4566

Nature Spirit acrylic on canvas 103 x 70 cm

thanks for visiting,

warmest wishes

Denise x

Mother Love : Hearth & Heart Tender

04 Tuesday Oct 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in Circle online, Creativitea, denise daffara art, mother, Uncategorized

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connection, creativity, curiosity, ecourse, life, mother, Mother Love, self kindness, soul connections, women, writing

ml-multi-cultural

Hi dear reader,

This month I am present to what wants to show up for my shared journey into (eCourse land 26 Oct – 18 Jan ) – I am creating the container, ‘Mother Love’ and holding a space for the information to flow in.. and the women to gather.. . . to connect with those who will want to pull up a chair and sit with me at the virtual tea table.

I work within the framework that all feelings are welcomed, there is nothing wrong and nothing to fix. I work best with large amounts of curiositea and courage to go where my heart leads. Observe how things are showing up in my life and see, sense and feel into whether I am choosing how I want to respond or am I being blown about by any breeze and storm.

I believe women need connection and thrive when they feel seen and heard. I am drawn to create an opportunity for that to happen in an online environment, I also do this in live workshop settings, but online is extraordinary as it allows us to be in communication and connection with women all across the world, and they in turn meet women from the other side of the globe from them.

Let us gather in virtual circle together.

m-love-insta

I am an artist, who loves to write, collage, paint, art journal, smashbook (an extremely relaxed form of art journaling) and extend invitations to hold space for others to gather, create and listen within for their own inner wise selves to speak to them in words, and pictures, colour and collage.

I am discovering more and more how vitally important it is to treat ourselves with compassion and dedicated self kindness. When I do this, it is vastly more enjoyable and livable inside my thoughts and life. So this is one of the life practices I encourage in all of my classes.

How might you respond to my invitation . . . when I gently encourage you to :

Attend as a Curious Observer and feel into the conversations, pages and journal created, is there part of you that would dearly love to write or gather your own information using creativity and kindness in relation to any stepping stones you wish to follow in relation to Mother Love?

Attend as a Seeker . . . know some questions you have or threads you are ready to follow? Let this be a resource that will meet you where you are. Expect the unexpected, expect a miracle. These things are not so rare as once thought. Openings and connections show themselves as soon as we’re ready to see and find them.

why

Attend as Intuitive Feeler . . . the rare bird on the Myers Briggs type indicator. You go by feelings, you’re incredibly sensitive and empathic. You have a heart for healing the world – let this be a soft place of sustenance for you to receive the nourishment you need to tend to your own deep longings first.

Attend as a Deep Diver, ready to put on ‘metaphotical scuba gear’ and submerge into the underworld of what you swim in . . bring your curious observer self along for the dive.

Attend as a Hearth and Heart Tender, share in Creativitea Time for the healing and mending it offers, sip tea with your wise inner self and those who gather alongside you for this season, reason, life time.

how-you-see-her

Attend as Sovereign Skeptic, Queen of your own domain, work well with all that is in resonance with your Soul. No judgment or schedule is to be checked up on, you’ll know what to do.

Attend as Deeply Caring Woman who must make space and time to Mother herself, meet with others and hear stories of how Mother Love shows up for sisters and friends you have yet to meet.

Do you have questions for me? Would you like to meet for a virtual circle on Zoom a week or two before this eCourse is to begin?

Visit the website here for more information on

Mother Love – 12 week journey into our own mystery.

and please add your name to the mailing list for updates on that link.

love,

Denise.

Self Harming without the Cuts

09 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in art workshops, being an artist, Creativitea, critic, denise daffara art, Little dd

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artist, blue print, creativitea time, email, landing pages, marketing, real, virgo

As a curious one, I subscribe to rather a lot of interesting teachers, healers, inspirers of the world . . . I get snagged by those landing pages, ‘click bait’ … ‘lead magnets’ [nod].

This means, I get to receive some of their thoughts, gifts and offerings into my email box… some VERY regularly, and well, if they are over zealous I allow myself to unsubscribe but some I choose to keep..

… I read the subject line, it draws me in.. and whoa.. before I know it I’ve read a page that transforms some of my thinking, or meets me right where I am, and THEN… can come the self harming part.

little dd frustrated at the desk

I want to speak about this part, self harming without cutting. Not unlike those vicious paper cuts that catch you by surprise, and sting like a bee. I’m referring to the moment you take a message read on the page, the screen and COMPARE your own output, or achievements, or experience in a way that has you sense, or feel you are not enough. Not doing enough. Not being enough. Not giving enough.

Do you ever start to look at the author or artist as a super human? One who hasn’t had a day of self doubt in the last 6 months and they are thriving and flourishing in their online arena blooming like a springtime garden?

There are likely many psychological reasons we humans do this, probably running patterns of ‘not enoughness’ from childhood osmosis. I seek to make a safe space for myself to be ok in this world just the way I am. I am always, all ways, open to growing, and learning, that is not my issue here.

Little dd by denise daffara

To me a landing page is one in my art journal where I can show up wild and true and free, and give my words and feelings a safe place to land.

My issue is how I mistreat myself, and feed self doubt.

Marketing blue prints can come across as an assault to my sensitive soul.

Today’s world of free stuff, social media and marketing is so full, it can crowd out our own still small voice of reason and strength. Authenticity is the current catch cry of the online arena.. and I mean catch. cry.

It is so so so challenging to find a way to bring ones gifts online without losing, or indeed bruising the very heart and soul that you begun with.

To me a landing page is one in my art journal where I can show up wild and true and free, and give my words and feelings a safe place to land… not a first page of a web site that captures peoples addresses so that I can fill up their email boxes to the point of madness.

video featuring this image at the end of this post

To be honest, I am conflicted, I am an artist and I hold space for online courses myself, and I am currently seeking ways to connect with those who are drawn to my way of sharing and being in the world so that I too may welcome classes filled with delighted participants. But this cannot be in lieu of my integrity. It really cannot. I call BS on this current flood of too muchery and not enoughery.

I want to hear real and be real, sans bullshit.

When I am hit with the barrage that sometimes comes in the form of “you asked for it, now I’m gonna give it to you” I am sometimes left feeling bewildered, emotionally drained, and definitely not enough just as I am.

little dd by denise daffara

I’ll use a recent happening as an example… it began with a free video series, powerful, shiny, beautifully presented. … but when it came time to sign up, to commit, to buy in… I started to receive daily emails: one that said it was from ‘The Universe” .. not the sender.. and then “ a note from myself, to myself’ .. the email was written in a form (by the seller) that it was my future wise self talking to my current self … basically saying how much this program had made a difference and how I really needed to sign up.

What the actual f? This may work for many, this may seem to come from a sincere place of someone seeing great potential in me.. but I start feeling irky inside and I have to pause.. which you cannot do if you are reading and watching every piece of marketing that flies into your in tray (inbox).

I call PAUSE on this, I feel it is dangerous and potentially damaging. I witness and sense the desperation this vibration tends to connect with and it’s not where I want to have myself nor my work live, breath and flow from.

little dd listening to music

Right now I am in the wonder zone, the intersection of receiving so much information on how to do an online business, the whispers from inner wise voice and my own upper limits. My current challenge seems to be letting go of the fear of rejection. Facing what success and failure means to me, why marketing makes me so freakin mad.

Continue reading →

Personal Daily Light

24 Friday Jun 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, denise daffara art, Little dd, Uncategorized

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#drawlikenooneisjudging, asipofmytea, creativitea, creativity, draw, joy, light, Little dd, love, tea

Light Source

“We are needing to find and maintain our daily light, and that is what will charge us.”

Lee Harris and his most recent energy update have sparked me into wanting to make a post, a page, a memory tweaker, a sweet reminder note.

“If we forget to do it we get upset at human density, we get upset at the dark or the suffering side of the world without remembering we’re all here creating it and influencing it with our vibration.”

“So if you can indentify the things that LIGHT YOU UP or give you relief and apply some of them every day as either medicine to the part of you that’s struggling or support to the part of you that is here to go deeper with your purpose. Because that is ‘if you like’ an annual theme for this year – everybody on the planet, whether they’re spiritual or not, there is a strong sense of, everything is under review.”

“What is my purpose. Why am I here, what am I doing this for.” – Lee Harris

daisy border coop

I SO relate to this. I know I am a light ‘seeker and worker’. I understand the need and place for darkness, and I need daily light to see my way forward.

Not content to sit around in a funk for very long, I find that very exhausting and seemingly pointless. As I was listening to Lee’s update, and the idea of ‘what lights you up’ I instantly thought of the litte drawings I make of my inner child – Little dd. She puts me in touch with an inner innocence and my own experience here.

Drawing her and sharing her quirkyness with the world is a small commitment I can make to my own creative practice right now, encouraging myself to #drawlikenooneisjudging. In doing so, I trust, that others will also be encouraged to draw like noone is judging if that is something that lights them up.

image by Denise Daffara

This creative life is a devotion.

A devotion to bringing more light into the world.

.. holding a space where light is welcomed.

image by Denise Daffara

I have been finding it very challenging to hold on to my lighter self with all of the harshness unfolding and yelling across our news reals and social media.

I weep for the brokenness and rail against the negative patriarchal energy and blatant abuse of women and girls and minority groups. It’s really bloody awful out there.

I need ways of bringing joy into my own darkness, healing my own inner demons, so I will continue to seek out my personal daily light.

So when others pass by my digital home, they’ll see a light on, and teacups at the ready, creativitea served daily with love.

blessed be,

love Denise x

Little dd by Denise Daffara

Little dd’d very own facebook page.

daisy border coop

Messages in the Flowers

02 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, critic, denise daffara art, Little dd, Tea Cups, Uncategorized

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I have devoted several hours of quiet contemplation time to making floral collages this week. (Oh sure, my inner critic thinks this is a decadent waste of time when there is ‘real work’ that could be getting done) but let me make a stand on behalf of CREATIVITY / CREATIVITEA and self healing!

I am of the belief, that not all therapy takes place in an office with a therapist. A lot can happen with myself at my own art table. I’ve experimented with this far too many times and been gifted with many divine messages, inner calm and inspired ideas as a result.

IMG_1931 2.JPG

I’ve noticed how PINK MAGNOLIA’S were beaming out of the magazine pages for me to see and love … these are a new flower memory maker of my Mother’s that I hold close – she and Dad moved from an isolated old place into town in the last 8 years of her life and a large magnolia tree was seen from her kitchen window in the neighbours yard. She and I would pause beneath it and just love it’s beauty.

I was up very early on the weekend and hand wrote a letter to my Mother as I sat with a pot of tea before the sun rose as she was known to do quite regularly … and I told her I’d post it behind the magnolia tree.

When you glue larger images on the page leave a pocket ‘unglued’ where notes can be hidden inside… if that idea makes you smile especially.

Collage stitching

jam recipes are tucked in behind that tea setting there 🙂

ohhhh warm scones, cream and jam with freshly brewed tea! mmmmmmm

In this one below I can picture my sister and I sitting at this coffee table, and chatting… so… I’ve chatted on the pages beneath as though she IS here.. because that is something I can do, to keep in touch with the love that remains.

tucked in behind that book is a chocolate beetroot cake recipe.. magazines make such a beautiful display, I love to bring things that speak to my soul into my smash books where they hold memories with me and we make new ones too.

I believe that my writing and tucking things into my smash book / art journal, I’m setting intentions for new things to come to pass – intentional creativity ™ works like that. Something like writing notes to the Universe/Source/God perhaps. As well as appreciating what I already have in my life and heart memories.

Speaking of new memories. I have a little character I call “Little dd” she is an outpouring of my own inner child, and sometimes mixed with my inner wise self.

This week I decided to give her, her own facebook page, because she and I have some creative projects to do and share in the coming months/years . . . so she let me know it was time she made herself more known out and about.

If you’d like to find Little dd on fb she is here.

collaged lately dd.PNG

That’s about it for today.

Perhaps you join me in the love of collage, and flower love language . . .

Warmest wishes

Denise

March Here

03 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, denise daffara art

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Tags

asipofmytea, courage, eat pray love, grace, loss, love, paleo, pancakes, protein, tea, veil

I have a number of painting in progress at the moment, readying for a group exhibition in Brisbane early April. This both freaks me out and excites me in kindof equal measure.

Below is where one is currently at… and two preceding stages of it . . . I’m painting over one I did last year and was no longer attached to keeping.

Letting go

I’m learning a lot about letting go . . . which is pertinent to me in more ways than one at the moment.. in the space of time since I last visited this blog and posted . . . I have travelled to New Zealand twice to visit my Mother and our family.. and in January our dear Mother died, I had the privilage of being with her for the days leading up to her departure and the bittersweet moment of her last breath.

So much cannot be said when regaling the complex relationship between mother and daughter, but suffice to say she taught me so much about grace and presence especially in her last days with us, she gave of herself so generously, I can learn much still from my memories of her, and also too, I am learning to let some of the old practices she was given by outdated systems go, they are not necessarily mine to keep even if they were passed down from generations.

I am aware that a new relationship will be ours now as I believe she is just across the veil.

Blessed be : A Patricia Fahey 9th May 1929 − 18th January 2016

A very special priest cared for us and our Mother during this time of grief and loss, Fr Phil left an indelable mark on our hearts as he gave us a glimpse of a beautiful man of faith with so much humility and grace and immense kindness. He cycled around to my parents home and left an envelope for me on the afternoon of Mum’s funeral, inside it on a piece of paper was written :

Cup of Tea

Drink your tea slowly and reverently,

as if it is the axis on which the whole earth revolves

slowly,

evenly,

without rushing toward the future;

Live the actual moment.

Only this moment is life.

– Thich Nhat Hanh

courage tea

On a practical note . . . I’ve been needing to keep strength up, and a dear friend reminded me of the benefits of a higher protein intake to give more energy.

So, here I will share the pancake mix I made this morning, I did the milling of the nuts and oats in a thermomix, but any device you have is worth a try.

High protein pancakes ~ almost paleo, but not quite

highproteinpancakes p pancake

kindof a bit ‘eat, pray, love’ over here today, I have been listening again to some Liz Gilbert and Brene Brown, and passed on the goodies of their books to my partner via kindle.

This morning, while doing the dishes, this video of Elizabeth Gilbert was great company. I love her. very. much. and am so grateful for her passionate voice in our social media world.