Little dd speaks out

04 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, critic, denise daffara art, Little dd

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Art, blogging, conscious creation, creation, creativity, critic, drawing, feelings, freedom, ideas, inner critic, inspiration, judging, life, Mentor, permission, SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, thoughts

Little dd is mad

Hi friends,

This post is in response to a comment I just caught myself making about my drawings of Little dd:

hey… thanks too for validating little dd with me… i sometimes feel the ‘scorn’ of the ‘fine art’ whip… and think it’s not ‘real art’ but it’s deeper than that. eeeeven when it may not look so for the ‘fine art folk’ Denise xoxo

I want and need to call bullshit on this right now, today, this minute.

Here’s the thing, I realise now, with some hindsight, that my Little dd drawings are a gift from my deepest wounding.

I am among MANY other things, an ACOA “Adult Child of an Alcoholic”. I love and appreciate the goodness my father has given to me, and wish him very well all ways. May he be blessed.

And, when you grow up in a highly volatile situation in your home many things can and are misinterpreted. These thought patterns and neural pathways become the routes we walk as teens and adults and cloud our understanding of what is real and what is imagined.

When I began to make these drawings I was given the clear message, that for all intents and purposes I was to DRAW LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING. They give me an outlet that bypasses the critic because the drawings are made so quickly as the inspiration comes for their creation. This matters to me, they are healing a part in me that is within my reach.

So, when I find myself judging those drawings it’s time to STOP and take hold of those unrelenting, hurtful, painful, thoughts and put them where they belong, OUT in the open, and out of my way.

Here are my big ideas that keep me small.

I didn’t go to art school, I don’t have a degree : how dare I call myself an artist. Even more, how dare I create classes and teach others.

I’m not a trained psychologist : how dare I speak about things that relate so much to ones feelings, beliefs and trauma without the degree/piece of paper to give me the permission to.

Art is only ‘good’ if someone wants to buy it : if I’m not making lots of art and selling it I’m pretending and a fake and art is just a hobby for me. Wake up, stop fooling myself and get a job.

Ok.

So, those are clearly the voice of my inner critic. Thanks for the contribution critic, you never cease to bring me pain with your projections.

But! I see you critic, and, today we’re talking about this without shame. Part of me may feel some shame, but that part is soooo much smaller than she used to be. Thanks to YEARS of marinating myself in new beliefs, new ways of seeing, sensing, feeling, loving my human self, I am stronger and healed enough, to speak about this toxic stuff.

Little dd writing signed

This brings me to one of my Mentors in life – I’ve spoken about her countless times before, but thanks to her book Succulent Wild Woman, which I have on my iPod, I get snippets of her voice in my ears when taking beach walks sometimes.

I have given myself permission to be free to create as I see fit and speak about the painful and the joyful parts thanks in large amounts to the brave and courageous example of Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy.

See below the image I posted just today on her fb page as she lovingly and generously shared about her life experience since her partner John died 18 months ago. I am so deeply grateful for the ‘permission giving’ that I have taken on by the example Sark has given in her life.

calling Sark

So,

I wonder how many others of us are out here/there ‘struggling along’ with the critical voices in our heads beating up on us in ways that never bring us joy and keep us playing a rather small life/game?

Consider, they (critical voices) may be telling you lies!

I’m going to KEEP DRAWING LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING, and letting the voice of Little dd continue to be seen and heard. I’m not shutting her away for not being good enough, that sounds like an old unhelpful belief, we don’t take guidance from those on a good day.

And this is a good day. I choose to make it so. (hahaha.. that sounds so ‘Star Trek’ and Vulcan…. waving to my husband who loves that world.)

love Denise, and Little dd. xo

sark Delight yourself

Alchemy of Emotions

26 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, denise daffara art, Tea Cups

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alchemy, Art, cafe, cat, creativity, emotions, exhibition, faith, feelings, inspiration, life, sharing, tea, thoughts

Sometimes I ‘baulk’ at the idea of naming a collection of paintings or coming up with a theme for an exhibition… so as a bit of a continuing the conversation on from last years paintings with Jassy and BJ “Dreaming into Being” … this bunch on display at The NAC I am calling. “Alchemy of Emotions” … I reckon I could paint with that name for the rest of my days to be honest. I also find it hard to come up with dazzling names for the paintings and often opt for the obvious and literal . . . it’s not as important to me as the FEELS.

It’s a bit over a year since the last longish painting session I had… around the time of my Mother’s crossing over… so these ones have a lot of ‘windows’ in them, I’m in a seeking and listening mode in my life, nearing the end of my forties, and approaching empty nest years . . . I relished the sense of freedom and ANYTHING GOES that I gave myself in these works, I imagined I wanted to paint quite calm, mostly white canvases.. with smaller pieces of colour and distinct marks… but no.. that wasn’t to be this time around. I instead felt drawn to making drips and marks, some recognisable shapes and plenty of flora and fauna like growth. Many seeds are being planted this year, internally and externally. I imagine an orchard growing up over the coming years.. not simply a single lone plant.

Apparently all of our emotions stem from just these four; fear, anger, sadness, and joy. In my artwork of recent years I seek to hold space for myself to allow all of these emotions to run through me, not judging how they show up. Often the result of allowing all of the hard to feel feels… is joy. May these artworks reach in and mend a part of you that is within your reach.

1. I see you Magpie, 2. Charlie’s Garden, 3. Little Black Cat, 4. Teatime Ms Moor Hen 45 x 45cm mixed media on canvas

Our lifelong adventure urges us to dance within the shadows and the light. Whilst witnessing the unrest, fear and terror within our world, it is still vital to release the fight or flight automatic reactions we have and to find ways to calm the fear, channel the anger, allow the sadness and practice joy.

It is an honour to be invited to display my work at Noosa Arts Cafe, I commend the generosity of spirit of Mark & Paula and their team creating a fantastic space where locals and visitors can gather and connect, be nourished and uplifted, surrounded by art and natural beauty. The NAC : 205 Weyba Road, Noosaville, Qld 4566

Nature Spirit acrylic on canvas 103 x 70 cm

thanks for visiting,

warmest wishes

Denise x

A Most Painful Question for an Artist

20 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, critic, Denise Daffara Art

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Art, blogging, celebration, courage, creativity, embarrassing, exhibition, faith, inspiration, life, living, selling art, sharing

denise-daffara-2017

I sat in my lounge the other day as it was filled with over 70 pieces of my artwork, I’d opened it up to have an Art Sale over the weekend. This felt like both a brave and an embarrassing act of faith and courage.

Hanging the works in one space gave me a jolt of recognition that ‘many of these are the ones that remain’, and where to from here? It also became quite confronting for me and perhaps if I be kind, a celebration.

I was more than grateful that several pieces sold, the financial support of that is really helpful.

dd-beginnings

Audio … ‘podcast’ kind of recording. vimeo link : https://vimeo.com/204308171

As I mention in this audio, one of the most painful questions I still ‘come up against’ is “Did you sell any paintings?” It’s obviously not the question in and of itself, it’s about what I make it mean.

cup-border

three-faves

new-work-dd

I’m not looking for platitudes or wanting to take up full time residence in victim mode here, I’m simply aiming curiosity at an aspect of ‘being an artist’ that can really suck. I wonder why this question is seemingly the first one to roll of someones’s tongue.

I don’t think many other workers of pretty much any kind are asked this.

What other questions/things might one say . . .

How did it feel having a room filled with your creativity on the wall and people staring at them?
Tell me about your favourite piece in this collection.
Can I tell you about the one I liked the best?
I was most moved by . . .
This one made me think of . . .

Before you ask that question of an artist . . . pause . . . what is it you’re really asking, and is there a way you can connect in a new way.

What happens when something goes from being an expression of feelings and emotions and colour.. onto the canvas . . . to an item or product for sale. Can we / I the artist divorce myself from that process? Can I make it less of an issue of success or failure.

cup-border

This is on my mind again, will I do the dance to create for the love of it, if it sells – celebrate the exchange. If it does not sell – celebrate the freedom to paint again, paint some more, paint over any I/you choose to.

I speak a bit more about all of this in a ‘podcast’ kind of ‘innerview‘ thing above that my partner and I recorded Thurs 16 Feb 2017.

I feel I live right in the middle of the paradox. Wanting to paint for the love of it, needing to have financial exchange for my work in some way shape or form . . . if not from making art, perhaps from other creative projects. This year is all about making changes that bring me more into alignment with what I’m meant to be doing here.

Making a living from ones art – this seems to be quite an issue of contention. Reading Big Magic by Liz Gilbert I came up HARD against her words “I don’t make my creativity pay the rent”.

So, I believe I am still in the thick of this inquiry, I am not seeking answers from without so much as from within, but open to sharing a piece of the process with you here. I suspect I am not alone in this quest to make peace with how I/we stay true to the creative spirit within whilst finding authentic, doable ways of ‘making a living’.

Before you ask that question of an artist . . . pause . . . what is it you’re really asking, and is there a way you can connect in a new way.

Denise x

ps. It’s been over a week since the art sale, I’ve decided to remove several of the paintings from their stretchers and let them go. Already I feel an ease when I look at the smooth pine frames without any canvas stretched upon them, they wait patiently to have a new beginning, and hold a new possibility for me. I’ve also started to paint over a selection of them that are ‘done’. I may share some of them in a future blogpost soon. D x

I am proud of myself that . . .

24 Saturday Sep 2016

Posted by Denise Daffara in Creativitea, Little dd, mother, Uncategorized

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Art, art journal, asipofmytea, creativitea, growth, love, mother, Mother Love

When your friend shares with you in an email that a special practice to do at this turn of season time is to spend a little time thinking of all the accomplishments and growth experienced over this past year . . .

tell-me-youre-proud-of-me

I turned to this rose filled page I’d been saving for a time I’d know it was right to use it. I began to write the phrase my dear friend invited me to be with . . .

“I am proud of myself that…. “

I had no idea it would open a little flood gate and tears would spill out of my eyes, I didn’t realise how difficult it would be to answer this . . .

I realised again how I give so much time to noticing what I’m not doing enough of, how my business isn’t flourishing in the way I think it’s meant to, and it equates to so much focus on not enoughness that it was actually confronting to ask myself, honestly,

What have I done this year that I am proud of?

i-am-proud-of

I’m not sure it’s important to share here what I wrote, what seems most pressing is how it made me feel. I wondered how many other of my friends and connections do this same dance of scarcity.

I am often reminded of the importance of self kindness, I’ve made it my life’s work to be kind to this self I show up as for this life journey.

I was raised in a religion that told me I was worthless without God in the way they wanted me to believe in ‘him’, and now as a 48 year old woman I have come to different conclusions about this God thing and currently believe that we are all part of the Source of life having a human experience, but no less connected to the One than the Pope, Buddha, Jesus or Anyone. I don’t care much for arguing this point of view, this is my page, I get to say whatever I like. I also can’t be bothered to argue for another’s limitations.

This …. this thing… this deeply woven, skein of a belief that holds the note I’m not enough, is really effing toxic.

Little dd – inner child expressions of wisdom and whimsy by Denise Daffara

daisy border coop

If you’re curious as to what I realised was the thing I was most proud of this year. . .

I’m proud of myself that . . . I was able to be present with my dear Mummah at the time of her death, and now I am learning a new way to live. More real, and more true.

and it hurts sometimes, and like I keep mentioning from time to time (because I’m still learning it) is; to hurt is part of life, to live a full, wide and deep life I must go through those times to discover what is hidden beneath the layers.

Layers I have covered things with

Layers that were tucked in for generations of covering, nothing to see here

Layers of the onion that keep peeling off,

you know… we don’t have a bottomless coffee in this life

we have a bloody never peeled onion.

Yours Curiously,

Denise xo

tEaCourses – Taking myself online to teach

10 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by Denise Daffara in being an artist, Creativitea, critic, Denise Daffara Art

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Art, artjournal, creativitea, creativity, ecourse, simplicity

It’s true, I have quite the affinity with making tea time sacred.

I love making plays on words, to inspire me to think outside the square of my ordinary. I include many varieteas in my language and in the creating of pages in a smashbook and or art journal.

For me, one of the greatest gifts of putting myself out there, and offering an ecourse has been the flow of my own creativity it has opened up… if you commit to creating something FOR someone a little shift can happen … *if you already create wildy with your own sweet abandon this may seem like superfluous rubbish to you . . . so all good respect to you, already motivated creators.* I obviously needed to find another way.

Diving off the cliff of ‘perceived safety – stay at home – don’t go outside – they might look at you funny – you’re an introvert – you can’t possibly do this without freaking out – what do you have to say that is of value – they are too busy for this’ all of THAT … is just static.

I have one more week of content to create, so I’ll come back and speak more about this later, it’s a rolling topic in my mind.

I am not yet sufficiently on the other side of having hosted one complete course, so not to speak too soon.

bye for now,

I’ll leave you with a freshly brewed pot of Simplicitea … use your favourite cup today, it’ll make a difference. I’m sure of it.

Love Denise x

art of life

20 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by Denise Daffara in Denise Daffara Art, Uncategorized

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Art, art journal, artjournal, blogging, creativity, face, intentional creativity, life, paint, vent, woman

So… a conversation with a friend, who is also an artist… we happened upon the subject.. of how… when you are faced with some kind of human interaction in your life.. that causes you to loose your ‘flow’ for a time… howeverlongyoumakethatlast … and how.. we often consider.. or arrive at the idea, or is it an ‘assumption’ .. that we can’t ‘do our art’ when we are feeling like shit.

This has been a constant companion of a thought for me, and I’ve been endeavouring for the last couple of years to reframe and train myself right out of that idea toward a more helpful-to-me response to life… so.. today I used that practice.. of intentional creativity.. also known to me as

simply showing up how I am…

and I wrote out my vitriol that the head was running with which then came around to affirming what I did want.. and then .. i simply started to put colour on that.. and so far.. this happened… (image as is then with a filter on app) it’s still a wonder in progress.. but whatever.. you get the idea 🙂

wanted to share that… and as I often consider blogging.. as a way to make a note outside of myself… to the universe.. that so long as the internet is a happening thing.. I’ll be able to find it again at the touch of a few buttons… you know how finding things in a diary can be difficult.. so.. even if noone gets it.. it’s done… for some kind of reason.. I feel compelled to share…

love Denise xo

morning blessing

18 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by Denise Daffara in Creativitea, denise daffara art, Uncategorized

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Art, blessing, circle, clarity, clear quartz, crystal, dog, meditation, metaphysical world, Painting, Quartz crystals

Hi friends,

The other day I made a ‘crystal drawing’ of a tea cup outside on my deck. … it just felt like a nice thing to do ..

In the metaphysical world, Clear Quartz crystals are the supreme gift of Mother Earth. Even the smallest is imbued with the properties of a master healer teacher. Ancients believed these stones to be alive, taking a breath once every hundred years or so, and many cultures thought them to be incarnations of the Divine.

information found at website : crystal vaults.com

today.. I decided to sit next to that.. and make another ‘drawing with my crystals’. And sit for a little while with the sun warming my back (it’s winter time here) and loving the thought of ‘letting more light in’.

this time I made a symbol of ‘Blessing’… a circle with three drops at the bottom..

Inside the circle I placed my smash book/art journal.. which also serves as my traveling altar.

I use it to make dedications for the workshops I am teaching, to hold a space of preparation, readiness and caring for myself to be a help to those who are coming. An energy exchange takes place.. each one who comes is meant to be there.. we never know what connections we are making.. and to be in circle, creating with other women.. is one of the delights of my life.

I so love how Aura’s shadow appears so much larger than herself… when we take her to the beach that faces East in the morning.. this happens and a long legged girl races along beside her looking so big and tall… she has a wild wonderful spirit that lets loose off leash on the beach.. it’s a pleasure to behold.

I’ve got a workshop coming up later in July a ‘Gypsy Retreaty Workshop’ and so it’s on my heart and mind.. and this was a way of giving it some kind of blessing.. letting the universe know I’d like support and to hold light for it’s creation and our time together when we gather to paint. I like to simplify things.. I don’t belong to any religion … I just want more love in my life.. to be loving, to be loved.

beautiful quote from Hafiz :