Tag Archives: drawing

Little dd speaks out

04 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in being an artist, Creativitea, critic, denise daffara art, Little dd

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Little dd is mad

Hi friends,

This post is in response to a comment I just caught myself making about my drawings of Little dd:

hey… thanks too for validating little dd with me… i sometimes feel the ‘scorn’ of the ‘fine art’ whip… and think it’s not ‘real art’ but it’s deeper than that. eeeeven when it may not look so for the ‘fine art folk’   Denise xoxo

I want and need to call bullshit on this right now, today, this minute.

Here’s the thing, I realise now, with some hindsight, that my Little dd drawings are a gift from my deepest wounding.

I am among MANY other things, an ACOA “Adult Child of an Alcoholic”. I love and appreciate the goodness my father has given to me, and wish him very well all ways. May he be blessed.

And, when you grow up in a highly volatile situation in your home many things can and are misinterpreted. These thought patterns and neural pathways become the routes we walk as teens and adults and cloud our understanding of what is real and what is imagined.

When I began to make these drawings I was given the clear message, that for all intents and purposes I was to DRAW LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING. They give me an outlet that bypasses the critic because the drawings are made so quickly as the inspiration comes for their creation. This matters to me, they are healing a part in me that is within my reach.

So, when I find myself judging those drawings it’s time to STOP and take hold of those unrelenting, hurtful, painful, thoughts and put them where they belong, OUT in the open, and out of my way.

Here are my big ideas that keep me small. 

I didn’t go to art school, I don’t have a degree : how dare I call myself an artist. Even more,  how dare I create classes and teach others.

I’m not a trained psychologist : how dare I speak about things that relate so much to ones feelings, beliefs and trauma without the degree/piece of paper to give me the permission to. 

Art is only ‘good’ if someone wants to buy it : if I’m not making lots of art and selling it I’m pretending and a fake and art is just a hobby for me. Wake up, stop fooling myself and get a job.

Ok.

So, those are clearly the voice of my inner critic. Thanks for the contribution critic, you never cease to bring me pain with your projections.

But! I see you critic, and, today we’re talking about this without shame. Part of me may feel some shame, but that part is soooo much smaller than she used to be. Thanks to YEARS of marinating myself in new beliefs, new ways of seeing, sensing, feeling, loving my human self, I am stronger and healed enough, to speak about this toxic stuff.

Little dd writing signed

This brings me to one of my Mentors in life – I’ve spoken about her countless times before, but thanks to her book Succulent Wild Woman, which I have on my iPod, I get snippets of her voice in my ears when taking beach walks sometimes.

I have given myself permission to be free to create as I see fit and speak about the painful and the joyful parts thanks in large amounts to the brave and courageous example of Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy.

See below the image I posted just today on her fb page as she lovingly and generously shared about her life experience since her partner John died 18 months ago. I am so deeply grateful for the ‘permission giving’ that I have taken on by the example Sark has given in her life.

calling Sark

So,

I wonder how many others of us are out here/there ‘struggling along’ with the critical voices in our heads beating up on us in ways that never bring us joy and keep us playing a rather small life/game?

Consider, they (critical voices) may be telling you lies!

I’m going to KEEP DRAWING LIKE NOONE IS JUDGING, and letting the voice of Little dd continue to be seen and heard. I’m not shutting her away for not being good enough, that sounds like an old unhelpful belief, we don’t take guidance from those on a good day.

And this is a good day. I choose to make it so. (hahaha.. that sounds so ‘Star Trek’ and Vulcan…. waving to my husband who loves that world.)

love Denise, and Little dd. xo

 

sark Delight yourself

you might enjoy :

Free gifts from Denise : join her mailing list for ‘Creativitea Time for You’

Sark’s post on fb.

Conscious Creation with Dee Wallace : A podcast I get great inspiration and support from by simply tuning in each week.

 

 

introvert artist date

12 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by in Uncategorized

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A strange’ish but not experience this morning. I felt a bit ordinary… so I had the delightful idea to take myself out, out of the house, for an artist date.. to my favourite tea cafe.

Off I go.. with a little bit of makeup on.. and a whole lot of expectation that THIS will make me feel better, even though – having just read SARK’s book ‘Glad No Matter What’… i don’t need to always look to FEEL BETTER.. I’m completely ok.. she even suggested as much.. to just, …. feel.

I have a little fantasy.. that i could write books with simple character drawings… one day. It’s one of those… not really real dreams.. it just sits in a little spot in my mind and pops into my awareness every so often.

I think perhaps moreso of late because i gave myself PERMISSION to draw badly, loosely and however it comes out. This is my way of managing the ‘i can’t draw’ story that wants to play out.. and i feel, it’s played out for long enough, so long in fact it is now BORING.

So.. off I went with a little sketch book.. in my bag to the cafe.

While waiting for my tea and CAKE.. omg. wait til you see the pic.

I made a little drawing of mysef.

IMG_5592then the TEA AND CAKE ARRIVED!

IMG_5573

here have another look. the PRESENTATION at The Silva Spoon (Cotton Tree) is TO LIVE FOR.

IMG_5570

Ms Virgo will EVEN forgive them for the chipped plate, because KLIMPT and CREAM and cake and A ROSE!  It was a slice of heaven actually.

Then.. the kindof weird-for-an-introvert stuff started to happen… I could see more people arriving in this magic-omg-our-favourite cafe… and the looks on their faces.. of ”oh”.. nooo … all the tables are filled… WHERE WILL I SIT… .. all it took to bring me here, with these friends, this Mum.. this daughter.. and THE CAFE IS TOO FULL… and I could feel the tension (at least that’s what I made up… and the small panic arising.. and I started to feel a tiny bit uncomfortable.. and had to comfort the one in me that wanted to give up my table.. because.. I don’t know… other people seemed like they neeeeeded it) …

so.. I made a couple more drawings.. because.. this was an artist’s date after all.. and so I decided to give it all I had.. awkward feelings included.

IMG_5594I found myself wanting to HIDE. under my very lovely fine soft grey scarf I’d bought along.. so I let my girl on the page hide instead.

IMG_5595This…

This feeling free to draw however it comes out. It’s really fun for me.

I notice how reading SARK books has this magical effect on me… her FREE, COLORFUL, UNCONVENTIONAL way of being suit’s me very much.

So… oh.. that’s right.. I even too a whole bunch of selfies.. so I could have a pic of me in my side ponytail.. and the tea cafe I love.. on this day.. when I let myself have freedom to draw in my little not to be taken too seriously at all, journal.

IMG_5574I was trying to figure out where the lens was … obviously not there… and there’s the lovely soft grey scarf I wanted to hide under. cubby like. but didn’t. (I’m not quite as brave as SARK) … yet.

IMG_5584

the ‘side look’.. hoping they won’t notice me sitting here taking endless pics of myself.IMG_5588the ohhhh feck it… embrace the WHOLE EPISODE.

WHERE THERE IS TEA THERE IS LOVE. sign that kept falling down with a clatter to my table and probably drawing UNWANTED attention to my activiteas.. but at which point, I simply did not care and had the lovliest little time.

To finish… I stayed only as long as it took to eat my cake and drink my tea.. then scurried out the door to give some of the other ‘slightly mildly desperate for their own little slice of heaven tea cafe experience’ my table.

I reeeallllllyyy love those cafe’s that have plenty of time and space and you can meander there and take a loooooong time… but.. they don’t seem to offer the exquisiteness of tea with a fresh rose, lashings of cream and gorgeous tea cups. So.. you just have to choose the experience you want to have. Wherever you are really.

* * *

I left the cafe,

felt quite ill

and had to go home to bed.

How’s that for a blimmin weird ending to this story.

* * *

later that day however,

I’m writing about it.

so.

there is that.

love Denise. x

Instead of pressuring yourself to FEEL BETTER

it may be far more beneficial and kinder to just FEEL.

(very inspired by SARK)